the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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