a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I believe in your delicious
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
