She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
