the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
