apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
