No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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