I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
