If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
