And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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