I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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