the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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