i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
