I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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