my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
