Taylor Swift is so right about you.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
