Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
