Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it glows. i had to have it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
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