So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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