Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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