we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
