I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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