I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
