She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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