so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
