Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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