Too much gin, very little bucket
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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