Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
