Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
