I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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