My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
