My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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