I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
