Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
