you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
