Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
