we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
