He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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