Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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