I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
MIDGETS
????
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize