you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
