just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
