people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
