when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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