So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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