you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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