Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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