If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
