I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
