I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
