K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
