There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm bleeding and have questions
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
