I feel like I'm in dance class right now
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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