I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
