Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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