he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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