I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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