We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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