im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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