living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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