did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
