I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
