Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
