He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
