I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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