even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pants are for mortals
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
