I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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