FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
