Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize